Do you have a plan so you successfully reach them?
Without a plan your resolutions are doomed to not succeed.
Make time to chart your direction for success in 2017! Create a vision board and use the SMART acronym when plotting your new course for success in 2017. (More about the SMART acronym in my next blog post.)
New Year’s Resolutions provide closure, hope, and DIRECTION. These three items work together to help you reduce stress and achieve success in 2017.
This photo was inspired by a client I worked with last week. She has made tremendous progress in her coaching program because she has stopped say “yes” to things she doesn’t want to do. As we were in the middle of her session the words “only if I want to…” came out of her mouth. I told her that was her new mantra “only if I want to…”.
What are you doing that you don’t want to do? What are you tolerating? I challenge you to adopt the mantra “only if I want to…”. This will help you eliminate stress and distractions. Then, you can focus on the things you truly want to do.
Save this photo to your phone and/or screen saver to remind you that you only are going to say “yes” “only if I want to”.
• Hi Jaynine, I was wondering if I would be able to get your feedback on something since I know you’re a business owner. My wife started an IT company and is currently in the process of getting certified as a Women-Owned Business. She said that she needs me to sign a “Statement of Non-Participation” in order to get her company approved as a women-owned business. My concern is whether signing such a statement would forfeit any marital rights that I have to the retirement benefits of her business? I will be retiring from the U.S Army in a few years in which 50% of my retirement would belong to her, which is great, but I just don’t want be put into a situation where retirement sharing is legally a one-way streak because I signed away my rights. We have a great marriage, going on 10 years now and she completely understands my concern about this paperwork, so it’s not a matter of whether I think she is trying to get over on me, but rather we just don’t know what it really means for a spouse to sign a statement of non-participation. We’re not familiar with what the spouse is giving-up by agreeing to such terms. If this is a loaded question that you wouldn’t feel comfortable answering without charging a fee, I will totally understand if you refrain from responding.
On Jun 23, Jaynine Ray-Howard, USMC (Ret), PhD (ABD) said the following:
Good morning, Those are great questions and concerns. I am not a lawyer so please do not take what I am saying as legal advice. I do think a lawyer is the best person to get advice as I will explain below in more detail. Woman Owned – business must be 51% owned by a woman (your wife) Veteran Owned – business must be 51% owned by a Veteran (YOU) Disabled Veteran Owned Business – business must be owned 51% by Veteran who is service disabled MinorityOwned Business – depending on your state – just being a woman is considered a minority In North Carolina, I am a Woman Owned, Veteran Owned, Minority Owned, and Service Disabled Small Business – this puts be ahead of others if I want government contracts. Consider which is going to be more advantageous for your family business. It may be more advantageous to have you listed as primary. Many construction companies have the woman as head of the company because it is more advantageous for bidding on contracts. So think long term which is going to be best for the company. Another concern for many business owners is what happens in the case of a divorce. You need to have – in my opinion – a post nup – a legal document that states you get 50% of the business if you get divorced. You also need a legal document that states you get the business if she were to pass and vice versa. Typically when there are two business partners they each have insurance so that they can “buy out” the other half of the business in case of death so the deceased share doesn’t go to the “family”. I recommend keeping very accurate records on how much “family” money or your money from bonuses, inheritance etc. is put into the business. So if something were to happen again you have proof of what you contributed.
Do you ever notice that sometimes your employees behave like children? Have you ever taken the time to get to know your employees? Which ones are first born, middle children, and babies of the family? Was our employee raised by two parents, one parent, or grandparents? Research has shown that we do bring our family life to work with us. The roles we had in our family when growing up follow us to our jobs. Yes, even you as the boss bring your childhood family role to the workplace.
Five Common Family Roles that Come to Work:
Leader. The leader may often be the first born in a family. He or she may be a bit bossy and intimidating. Do not allow bullying. He or she will often take charge and want to do things his or her own way. As an employer, you must have systems in place so that he or she knows how you want certain jobs performed. You will want to be clear on when or where the employee can add his or her own creativity. You will also want to have clear boundaries established on his or her level of authority over other employees so that things to not get out of hand. The leader can be a great asset to your team.
Clown. The clown will liven up your workplace. But, if your business environment does not promote or allow for the clown personality you will need to address this immediately. The clown may appear to be immature and childish. He or she may be insecure and rely upon “clowning” around to ease his or insecurity and the fact he or she may not understand what is required to do the job. The clown may be attention seeking. This could be carried over from childhood where he or she had to perform as a clown to get attention from his or her parents, teachers or siblings. As the employer you will want to establish boundaries so the clown understands what is allowed and what is not. You do not want the clowns’ actions to be misunderstood as hazing or bullying.
Scapegoat. Every family has a scapegoat. The scapegoat gets blamed for everything that goes wrong. The scapegoat may even take the blame for other employees’ mistakes. This may be a learned behavior carried over from childhood where he or she had to protect a family or friend from being picked on or punished. As the employer or business owner make sure you know who is really at fault. Do not jump to conclusions that it is really the scapegoat at fault.
Victim. The victim is different from the scapegoat. He or she often feels inferior. The victim falls into this role when he or she does not want to do something. He or she is often in a crisis and complains. The victim knows his or her job but uses this for attention seeking and avoidance of responsibility. Victims can consume your energy and zap the energy of your employees. As the business owner, you will want to ensure you understand who is playing the victim and you do not allow it to continue. This will require that you address the employees underlying feelings of inadequacy. You will need to bolster this persons self-esteem.
People Pleaser. Oh, the people pleaser says “yes” to everything. Even when he or she should say “no”. The people pleaser will often over commit to tasks that may not be easily accomplished by the employees. This can lead to employee dissatisfaction and customer dissatisfaction. The employees are upset due to the added stress. The customer is dissatisfied if the product is delivered late or less than perfect. Employers need to establish firm boundaries on what employees can commit to on behalf of the business. If the boss is the people pleaser, he or she must review what the employees can do within their scope of expertise and commitments already booked.
As the employer or business owner, you will have greater productivity in the workplace and you will be able to maximize your employees work performance when you take the time to find out the role they had in their family as a child. You will also grow your business when you understand the role you had growing up in your family that you are bringing to work. When you learn the family role your employees bring to work the sooner you will be able to capitalize on this information and grow your business.
Jaynine is available to design a program to help you motivate, inspire, and train your employees to maximize your investment.
Contact Jaynine at
Living a fruitful life requires you deal with the pits at one time or another. Life isn’t easy. No one ever said it was. However, we often get stuck and fall into a stooper that can lead to clinical depression if left unchecked.
What stops you from leading a fruitful life? Is it the hard work that is needed to see results? Is it the economic expense or the investment of your time?
Life is too precious to waste. God gave each of us unique talents. I firmly believe he wants us to use the gifts he gave us. He wants us to be successful. But, he never said it was going to be easy. Look around your home. What is in your trash? Did you throw away fruits and vegetables that rotted because you were not willing to make time to prepare them for eating? Are there clothes in the trash that you didn’t want to take the time and work on getting that stain out or that needed a button sewed on? If you look at your credit card or bank statements how often were you charged a late fee or over-limit fee because you didn’t take the time to manage your finances? Living in chaos can lead to feelings of malaise and depression.
Leading a fruitful life requires you to respect you, your money, your time and the gifts you were given. You can do this by keeping a daily agenda. Know your purpose for the day. Why are you doing what you are doing? If your calendar is blank then find something with a purpose to do. Volunteer in the community, job hunt, help a friend or neighbor. Do something that will help you reach your life goals and that compliments your life mission. People need to be needed. You are no different. If you find yourself unemployed or you are new to retirement find a new purpose. Make time to write your personal mission statement.
Admit your weaknesses and areas you are lazy and focus on overcoming these obstacles. I know when I buy fruit and vegetables I need to process them right away for eating or that cantaloupe, watermelon, cucumbers, cherries etc will sit and rot. Why do they sit and rot – because I get lazy and am not willing to do the work to enjoy them? What a waste of money. It is OK to stop and think about why you do what you do or don’t do.
Self-improvement and personal growth is another key area to leading a fruitful life. Think how water that just sits becomes stagnant. You don’t want to become that barrel of nasty water that becomes a breeding ground for misquotes. Again, if you are new to retirement or currently unemployed invest in personal growth activities to keep your skills marketable and your mind busy.
Respect you and your resources. Know your purpose. Know your weaknesses or what you don’t like. Keep moving forward in life. Embrace life. When you do these things it will make dealing with the pits a whole lot easier so that you can enjoy a fruitful life. A fruitful life does not require money. It is what is felt on the inside. Whoever said “life is like a bowl of cherries” was right – you must deal with the pits to enjoy the sweet fruit.
Are ready to start living your life purpose?
Contact Jaynine Howard at 910-539-2810.
Regardless of your age, marital or socioeconomic status, at one time or another, you will experience stress and anxiety. Each changing season produces different stressors. Summertime has the pendulum swinging from how to keep children from fighting and saying they are bored to keeping them free from sunburns to an upcoming move to a new neighborhood. The body’s initial reaction to stress is fight or flight. Symptoms of excess stress include feeling mentally and physically exhausted, problems sleeping, tension headaches, bowel disturbances, a lowered immune system, and irritability.
Here are five tips to control summertime chaos:
1. Laugh. You have probably heard that laughter is the best medicine. Research shows that laughing produces endorphins which cause you to relax, experience joy, and ease pain. When feeling stressed picking up the telephone and speaking with a friend can often bring a smile to your face that will aid in producing the feel good endorphins. Also, turning on the television and watching your favorite sitcom can aid in reducing stress and anxiety.
2. Evaluate your diet. Limit caffeinated products because caffeine is a stimulant. Alcohol consumption should also be restricted since alcohol is a depressant. Choose fresh fruits and vegetables over commercially processed items. Eating fresh fruits and vegetables are easier for your body to digest than commercially processed foods such as cookies and chips. However, there is nothing wrong with occasionally indulging your chocolate craving.
3. Exercise. Engaging in exercise is another way for your body to produce endorphins. Taking time for a walk after dinner or meeting a friend for a game of racquetball can raise your level of feel good endorphins while getting you in shape physically and mentally.
4. Have a MAP (Master Action Plan). When you stop to think about what is causing anxiety such as an upcoming move or the absence of a spouse during a deployment you can develop strategies to cope with the stress. Creating a step by step plan on how to walk through the action will allow you to empower yourself by taking charge of the situation. If you are experiencing stress on how to keep the children entertained during summer vacation you can develop a daily schedule so that the child knows what to expect throughout the day; children thrive on routine. Having a Plan A is great but having Plan B and Plan C will ensure you have covered whatever may be thrown at you with minimal disruption.
5. Increase Productivity. Productivity creates an atmosphere of positive change and is more fruitful than worrying and doing nothing.
It is impossible to ignore or reduce all stressors from our lives. However, when you are able to recognize your limits of stress and know how to use practical strategies to reduce stress you will control summertime chaos. Therefore, laugh and exercise to raise your endorphin level. Be productive and design your MAP to navigate stressful situations. Lastly, don’t forget to occasionally indulge your chocolate craving and enjoy your summer.
As a business owner you know that branding is important. Branding encompasses not only your logo, marketing message, your personal appearance but your store front or home office. When was the last time you looked at your business from the eyes of the customer? My five tips for branding your business with curb appeal will walk you step by step through the eyes of your customer.
Five Tips for Branding Your Business using Curb Appeal
1. Parking Lot: When your customer drives into your parking lot what does he or she see? Is there litter and debris leftover from lawn mowing or spring or fall foliage from trees? Do you have dead or near dead plants that need replaced? Is your grass green? Is the concrete clean? Is the sidewalk full of cracks with weeds in the cracks? Do you have a trash can or cigarette butt can that is overflowing? Is there a dead bird in the parking lot? I had a client tell me she would not go to a restaurant because there was a dead bird lying in the parking lot and when she mentioned it to the restaurant owner the owner shrugged and commented “they didn’t pick that up?” It is imperative that the first view of your business is favorable and invites the customer to stop and get out of his or her vehicle.
2. Store Front & Door: Is your store front and front door clean? Are there fingerprints? Go right now and grab the glass cleaner and get that door cleaned. When was the last time you painted or pressure washed your business? If your business looks old and drab you will attract clients that expect to receive a low cost product. If you want to charge a premium price for your products and services you must have a storefront that attracts the clientele that will pay your premium price. Think about it. When we go to a mom and pop diner we expect to pay for a low cost but yummy meal. When we go to a glitzy restaurant with fancy lighting and furnishings we expect and happily pay a premium price.
3. Welcome Mat: Is your welcome mat clean? When was the last time it was replaced? Your welcome mat not only welcomes the customer but it will catch dirt from his or her shoes and aid in keeping your store clean once he or she walks inside.
4. Lighting: Is your parking lot well lit? Do you have bulbs that need replaced? When your customers arrive at night is the parking lot well lit? Is the path and entry to your business well lit to provide safety to you customers? I recommend you visit your business when it is dark outside and get a good view of what your customers see.
5. Windows: Do you employ a window cleaning service? When you hang posters or sales fliers is there leftover tape stuck to the window? When the customer approaches your business what do they see when they look in the window? Is it an inviting image? Do they see your merchandise, stacks of boxes, employees washing dishes or cobwebs? Again, now is the time for you the business owner to take a good look at your business from the outside.
Now is the time to focus on curb appeal. Many of my tips are very low cost to implement and require only a bit of elbow grease or sweat equity. Painting, pressure washing and replacing furnishings may require being added to your budget. Curb appeal is the first step in branding your business. If your business does not look inviting people will not stop. When people do not stop you do not have customers. When you do not have customers you do not have a business. Branding is a necessary step in growing your business.
When was the last time you updated your personal mission statement?
Do you have a personal mission statement?
Mission statements are NOT just for businesses. A personal mission statement will help guide you on your career track so that you are honoring your values. A family can have a mission statement to guide them on honoring their family values. Stay true to you and your personal, family, and professional mission.
Don’t chase shiny objects and get off course.
Don’t get sucked into doing what others think you “should” be doing.
Follow your God-given mission and you will always be on the right path to success.
Business owners, wives, and moms often find themselves short on time and energy. They are busy juggling a myriad of tasks. Remember, it only takes someone 15 seconds to sum you up and form an opinion. Whether right or wrong that is what happens. No one likes to be around a whiney person or someone who looks a mess.
In order to reclaim YOU so you stop sabotaging your efforts- you must adopt the three L’s:
Love You – Make time each day to do something for you. You must fall in love with yourself all over again. Now is the time to purge your closet of any items that make you feel fat or ugly. Purge your refrigerator and cupboards of all foods that make you feel sluggish or guilty. If you are a business owner does your office reflect your personality? Are your surroundings or where you spend most of your waking hours conducive to good mental health? Many of us cannot function when we are surrounded by clutter. Clutter is not only present in your home or office it is also in your car. Clear the clutter so you can unplug and feel good about you. Do not forget to make time to exercise. This does not require investing in a gym membership or expensive clothing. You can put on a comfortable pair of shoes and go for a walk. When you exercise, you will improve your mental clarity and strengthen your heart. Now is the time to make time to take care of you. It is not greedy to love you.
Lose the Excuses – Now is the time to stop playing the blame game. Lose the excuses. Stop blaming the economy, the children, your spouse, or the family pet. You must accept responsibility. If you are short on cash, rework your budget. If you are short on time start budgeting your time. Learn to say no. You have a voice and it needs to be heard. If the children are making demands that strain the family budget, learn to say “no”. If you have family and friends making demands on your time say “no”. People are not mind readers. They often do not have access to your day planner to see that you are over tasked. People will not stop being your friend or associate if you say “no”. When you lose the excuses you will be organized and in control of your situation. This will result in less stress and anxiety in your daily life.
Learn something new – A fundamental part of being successful is always learning something new. You must invest in you so you can grow personally and professionally. This can be something as inexpensive as reading a library book or article online from a quality source. You may want to invest in a weekend retreat or class at your college. Online learning makes it easy to invest in you. You can often listen and learn from the comforts of your home. Do not dismiss investing in you. In order to be successful as a business owner, wife, or mother you must invest in learning something new each day.
Regardless of the role we play we all want to be successful. When you adopt the three L’s you will be on the road to reclaiming your life and being successful. You will reap many benefits when you make time to love you, lose the excuses, and invest in you.